Mm. My Pinky's Gone Numb.

Got done with the third Torchwood novel I bought, Almost Perfect.
Honestly. I didn't really want to buy this one at first.
Because the plot is 'Ianto wakes up as a woman'. And really, that threw me off. I like Ianto the way he is thank you very much. So, I didn't really want to buy it.
I know what you're thinking. Why did she buy it? Well, because I only had basically enough money for three Torchwood Novels and so I read about each one and reviews. This one had a good review, so I got it (one other had two good reviews (none of the other books had reviews) and the other had an interesting plot).
Now, I must say, I loved how this book was written. Honestly.
And not only does it have Fem!Ianto (which is why I didn't want to read the book) but it's got Drunk!Ianto (which is reason enough to want to read it)

Now for the exerts! Yayz.

'OK, team!' said Jack. 'It's a busy day. Lots to cover. Ianto's a woman, a ferry nearly sank and static electricity is up by twenty-three per cent.'
'What's top priority?' asked Gwen.
'Ianto,' boomed Jack. 'Unless you're wearing nylon.'
'OK,' said Gwen. 'How did he. . .she. . .? I mean. . .'
Ianto shrugged. 'I just woke up like this. No memory, slightly hangover, pair of breasts. Honestly.'
Gwen nodded. 'Right. Nothing unusual then?'
'Well, not apart from the surprising lack of cock.'
'A situation we can all sympathise with,' sighed Jack. 'Ianto Jones is brilliant, you know. He wakes up. Different fingerprints, voice, DNA, so how am I going to recognise him? He kisses me. And I know at once! Isn't that the most romantic think you've ever heard?' He grinned dopily.

'Aliens ate my homework?' Gwen laughed.
Jack laughed. 'What a brave new world. Now go and find some eyewitnesses to talk to.'
'What about Iantoya?' asked Gwen. 'Sure we don't need him?'
'Oh, he's best of at the Hub. Until he feels. . .you know. . . Himself.'
'Jack Harkness, you are terrible. The poor lamb's got nothing to look forward to apart from filing, making the coffee and sexual harassment.'
'I know,' said Jack. 'I just want to surround him with familiar things.'

Gwen gently stirred her coffee and idly wondered how often the two of them actually had sex. She suspected that most of time they just stood in a room naked, hands on hips, pouting at each other.

'My husband's too pretty!' she'd yelled. 'You've got to do something, Jack!' She caught the look in his eye. 'Don't you go sassing me, Harkness. I am deadly serious.'
'Sass?' tutted jack in mock affront. 'I don't do sass, do I? I prefer to think of it as kittenish charm. What do you think, Ianto?'
'Definitely kittenish,' said Ianto.
'Sod the kittens.'

'Are you lactating?' Jack wore an expression of dangerous interest.
'I assure you, you would be the last person to know if I was.' Ianto moved into a corner.
'Is that what's been different about the coffee?' Jack laughed.
Ianto snapped the elastic band off the new batch of leaflets about an organic jam activity centre. He pinged the band expertly at Jack's ear. The Captain clapped his hands over the ear and gave Ianto a pout.
'God, you're moody these days - you're not. . . At that time of month, are you?'
Ianto stared at him, horrified. 'oh. I hope not. Am I? How can I tell?'
'Wikipedia,' Jack tutted. 'Wikipedia.'
(((For what Wiki says, is fact)))

(((this is a flashback to pre-Fem!Ianto))
Debbie tilts her head on one side. 'yeah,' she says. 'Help us carry over these drinks and join in the party. With that suit they'll think you're a stripper.'
'Why thank you,' says Ianto.

(((back with Fem!Ianto)))
Gwen slid the window up, and the two of them slipped into a dark, quiet corridor.
'It's bloody great to be out of that rain,' shivered Ianto. 'I really miss jeans.'
'Well,' hissed Gwen, 'why don't you wear some?'
'Oh, it's just hasn't felt right, really,' said Ianto. 'you know, I just don't think I've got the figure for them. I worry they'll make my bum look fat and squidgy.'
'Oh, bollocks,' hissed Gwen. 'You've got a lovely pair of child-bearing hips on you.'
'Have I?' Ianto looked genuinely pleased. 'Oh, that's nice.'
'Now, shut up, princess, and let's got on with it.'

Until Next Time