You know what pisses me off?
That in fanfiction Ianto blushes.
The dude does not blush.
They're all "he blushes because of Jack's innudendo" like hell. Before they got together in the show, he never blushed because of it. He held his own and came back with witty retorts. "he blushes when they're caught" like hell. Gwen freakin' basically walks in on them! And when Jack asks if she wanted to join them for naked hide and seek, he didn't blush at all! He just said that Jack cheats. "he blushes when embarressed" like hell. He hasn't ever blushed in the show and I wish that fanfiction writers would stop having him blush!
Also, I generally dislike MPreg stories.
They're pretty stupid.
Though the ones for Torchwood aren't as bad (at least when it's Jack who is pregnant) because of Jack's first lines in the episode.
And I quote: ((by the by, he's standing in the rain)) There you go! I can taste it! Oestrogen. Definitely oestrogen. Take the pill, flush it away, it enters the water cycle. Feminizes the fish. Goes all the way up into the sky then falls all the way back down onto me. Contraceptives in the rain. Love this planet. Still, at least I won't get pregnant. Never doing that again."
Okay, right there Jack has said he's gotten prenant before and therefore can again. I get that (doesn't help that during the first visit to Satilte Five in Doctor Who, the TV says that the Face of Boe is pregnant and we now know that FoB is in fact Jack so...).
but everyone is forgetting the first part of that quote.
The sky is full of Oestrogen. Contraceptives in the rain. And y'know what? They live in Cardiff.
It rains all the freakin' time.
He cannot get pregnant. See? I'm right, aren't I?
Until Next Time
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Best Part of Waking Up, is Walter in Your Cup
So, Julie and I went to Ashely's to see this show on HGTV (neither Julie nor I get that station) because earlier in the week Ashely said "There's this show and on it you see castle's in France and John Barrowman is in it! We get to see his castle in this episode!"
Both Julie and I blink at Ashely, "He lives in a castle? In France? No. It can't be him."
"It's either him or someone who looks a lot like him!" Ashely protests.
So, Sunday arrives and right before we go over to Ashely's to see this show that 'has John Barrowman's castle in it' we decide to see if this episode will show his castle that he 'has' (earlier in the day Julie got on Wiki and Wiki said nothing about him living in a castle in Frace).
So, we get on the HGTV website and we find out that we do not see John Barrowman's castle in France (he doesn't own a castle in France) but Ashely is not crazy and there is not a man who looks just like him.
He is the host.
Ooh. Right. He's the host.
Makes sense.
We go and watch it. Pretty cool stuff actually. Wish I had a castle, then John Barrowman could come to my house (my house has been on HGTV, but no John Barrowman).
Also made me wish that I was the host of the show and not John Barrowman.
Also, Julie drank too much coffee that night.
And we had breakfast pizza around 8.30 pm.
And we watched Doctor Who.
Julie and I are showing it to Ashely. We're not sure as to what all she's seen of the show, but she hasn't seen most of it. So, we're starting with Nine and Series One and we're one episode away from the first time we meet Jack.
Julie and I are so excited.
We're such dorks.
In other news: my ankle is evil.
Until Next Time
Both Julie and I blink at Ashely, "He lives in a castle? In France? No. It can't be him."
"It's either him or someone who looks a lot like him!" Ashely protests.
So, Sunday arrives and right before we go over to Ashely's to see this show that 'has John Barrowman's castle in it' we decide to see if this episode will show his castle that he 'has' (earlier in the day Julie got on Wiki and Wiki said nothing about him living in a castle in Frace).
So, we get on the HGTV website and we find out that we do not see John Barrowman's castle in France (he doesn't own a castle in France) but Ashely is not crazy and there is not a man who looks just like him.
He is the host.
Ooh. Right. He's the host.
Makes sense.
We go and watch it. Pretty cool stuff actually. Wish I had a castle, then John Barrowman could come to my house (my house has been on HGTV, but no John Barrowman).
Also made me wish that I was the host of the show and not John Barrowman.
Also, Julie drank too much coffee that night.
And we had breakfast pizza around 8.30 pm.
And we watched Doctor Who.
Julie and I are showing it to Ashely. We're not sure as to what all she's seen of the show, but she hasn't seen most of it. So, we're starting with Nine and Series One and we're one episode away from the first time we meet Jack.
Julie and I are so excited.
We're such dorks.
In other news: my ankle is evil.
Until Next Time
Friday, January 16, 2009
She Didn't Have a Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini. She Wasn't an Uptown Girl. She Wasn't a 20th Century Boy.
Right.
So.
His name isn't really Captain Jack Harkness.
He took it from the real Captain Jack Harkness.
Yeah?
His father's name is 'Franklin'.
His mother's name is not known.
His brother's name is 'Gray'.
Julie and I think that his parents named their kids after a color.
(See: 'Gray')
Therefore, Jack's real name?
Is ...
*dramatic pause*
*drum roll*
*another yet longer dramatic pause*
... 'Chartreuse'.
And his name shall be 'Chartreuse' until we are told otherwise.
Though this is pre-'The Face Of Boe'/'Boe'
(or after if you're thinking back to when the Time Agency called him 'The Face Of Boe'.
But we consider 'The Face Of Boe'/'Boe' to be the huge fuckoff head in a jar - not the first Time Agent called 'The Face Of Boe').
So.
What say you?
Do you agree?
His name is 'Chartreuse'?
Because it is.
No denying it.
It is true.
It is fact.
He is 'Chartreuse'.
(Click on the picture if you want to see it bigger)
Y'think it's true?
Until Next Time.
So.
His name isn't really Captain Jack Harkness.
He took it from the real Captain Jack Harkness.
Yeah?
His father's name is 'Franklin'.
His mother's name is not known.
His brother's name is 'Gray'.
Julie and I think that his parents named their kids after a color.
(See: 'Gray')
Therefore, Jack's real name?
Is ...
*dramatic pause*
*drum roll*
*another yet longer dramatic pause*
... 'Chartreuse'.
And his name shall be 'Chartreuse' until we are told otherwise.
Though this is pre-'The Face Of Boe'/'Boe'
(or after if you're thinking back to when the Time Agency called him 'The Face Of Boe'.
But we consider 'The Face Of Boe'/'Boe' to be the huge fuckoff head in a jar - not the first Time Agent called 'The Face Of Boe').
So.
What say you?
Do you agree?
His name is 'Chartreuse'?
Because it is.
No denying it.
It is true.
It is fact.
He is 'Chartreuse'.
(Click on the picture if you want to see it bigger)
Y'think it's true?
Until Next Time.
Welcome to the Peter and Paul Section. Do You Want a Peter? Or Paul? Peters are Only 21$. Pauls are Only 359$.
Click on the picture to make it bigger.
Until Next Time
Until Next Time
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Care Bares are Goin' to Menards
So. Twas at Julie's (shoking, I know!) and her neighbors (the upstairs tennants) had a domestic! It was freakin' loud with bad words and talk of "you can't even be within one 'undred feet of me" and then the cops showed up! And then I couldn't leave coz the cops parked me in.
And then someone has a dog!
WTF? Julie can't have a cat, but someone can have a dog?
Also, we decided that two of the men who were in the domestic are in a relationship. Coz that amuses us. I mean, they were fighting over a woman, but who cares? Our view on life is much more interesting.
We also speculated that the upstairs tennants may be the ones who had the Possible MurderWeponWeapon. Coz they were all having their domestics and the cops knockin' on their door and whatnot.
Twas exciting.
Until Next Time
And then someone has a dog!
WTF? Julie can't have a cat, but someone can have a dog?
Also, we decided that two of the men who were in the domestic are in a relationship. Coz that amuses us. I mean, they were fighting over a woman, but who cares? Our view on life is much more interesting.
We also speculated that the upstairs tennants may be the ones who had the Possible Murder
Twas exciting.
Until Next Time
Mm. My Pinky's Gone Numb.
Got done with the third Torchwood novel I bought, Almost Perfect.
Honestly. I didn't really want to buy this one at first.
Because the plot is 'Ianto wakes up as a woman'. And really, that threw me off. I like Ianto the way he is thank you very much. So, I didn't really want to buy it.
I know what you're thinking. Why did she buy it? Well, because I only had basically enough money for three Torchwood Novels and so I read about each one and reviews. This one had a good review, so I got it (one other had two good reviews (none of the other books had reviews) and the other had an interesting plot).
Now, I must say, I loved how this book was written. Honestly.
And not only does it have Fem!Ianto (which is why I didn't want to read the book) but it's got Drunk!Ianto (which is reason enough to want to read it)
Now for the exerts! Yayz.
'OK, team!' said Jack. 'It's a busy day. Lots to cover. Ianto's a woman, a ferry nearly sank and static electricity is up by twenty-three per cent.'
'What's top priority?' asked Gwen.
'Ianto,' boomed Jack. 'Unless you're wearing nylon.'
'OK,' said Gwen. 'How did he. . .she. . .? I mean. . .'
Ianto shrugged. 'I just woke up like this. No memory, slightly hangover, pair of breasts. Honestly.'
Gwen nodded. 'Right. Nothing unusual then?'
'Well, not apart from the surprising lack of cock.'
'A situation we can all sympathise with,' sighed Jack. 'Ianto Jones is brilliant, you know. He wakes up. Different fingerprints, voice, DNA, so how am I going to recognise him? He kisses me. And I know at once! Isn't that the most romantic think you've ever heard?' He grinned dopily.
'Aliens ate my homework?' Gwen laughed.
Jack laughed. 'What a brave new world. Now go and find some eyewitnesses to talk to.'
'What about Iantoya?' asked Gwen. 'Sure we don't need him?'
'Oh, he's best of at the Hub. Until he feels. . .you know. . . Himself.'
'Jack Harkness, you are terrible. The poor lamb's got nothing to look forward to apart from filing, making the coffee and sexual harassment.'
'I know,' said Jack. 'I just want to surround him with familiar things.'
Gwen gently stirred her coffee and idly wondered how often the two of them actually had sex. She suspected that most of time they just stood in a room naked, hands on hips, pouting at each other.
'My husband's too pretty!' she'd yelled. 'You've got to do something, Jack!' She caught the look in his eye. 'Don't you go sassing me, Harkness. I am deadly serious.'
'Sass?' tutted jack in mock affront. 'I don't do sass, do I? I prefer to think of it as kittenish charm. What do you think, Ianto?'
'Definitely kittenish,' said Ianto.
'Sod the kittens.'
'Are you lactating?' Jack wore an expression of dangerous interest.
'I assure you, you would be the last person to know if I was.' Ianto moved into a corner.
'Is that what's been different about the coffee?' Jack laughed.
Ianto snapped the elastic band off the new batch of leaflets about an organic jam activity centre. He pinged the band expertly at Jack's ear. The Captain clapped his hands over the ear and gave Ianto a pout.
'God, you're moody these days - you're not. . . At that time of month, are you?'
Ianto stared at him, horrified. 'oh. I hope not. Am I? How can I tell?'
'Wikipedia,' Jack tutted. 'Wikipedia.'
(((For what Wiki says, is fact)))
(((this is a flashback to pre-Fem!Ianto))
Debbie tilts her head on one side. 'yeah,' she says. 'Help us carry over these drinks and join in the party. With that suit they'll think you're a stripper.'
'Why thank you,' says Ianto.
(((back with Fem!Ianto)))
Gwen slid the window up, and the two of them slipped into a dark, quiet corridor.
'It's bloody great to be out of that rain,' shivered Ianto. 'I really miss jeans.'
'Well,' hissed Gwen, 'why don't you wear some?'
'Oh, it's just hasn't felt right, really,' said Ianto. 'you know, I just don't think I've got the figure for them. I worry they'll make my bum look fat and squidgy.'
'Oh, bollocks,' hissed Gwen. 'You've got a lovely pair of child-bearing hips on you.'
'Have I?' Ianto looked genuinely pleased. 'Oh, that's nice.'
'Now, shut up, princess, and let's got on with it.'
Until Next Time
Honestly. I didn't really want to buy this one at first.
Because the plot is 'Ianto wakes up as a woman'. And really, that threw me off. I like Ianto the way he is thank you very much. So, I didn't really want to buy it.
I know what you're thinking. Why did she buy it? Well, because I only had basically enough money for three Torchwood Novels and so I read about each one and reviews. This one had a good review, so I got it (one other had two good reviews (none of the other books had reviews) and the other had an interesting plot).
Now, I must say, I loved how this book was written. Honestly.
And not only does it have Fem!Ianto (which is why I didn't want to read the book) but it's got Drunk!Ianto (which is reason enough to want to read it)
Now for the exerts! Yayz.
'OK, team!' said Jack. 'It's a busy day. Lots to cover. Ianto's a woman, a ferry nearly sank and static electricity is up by twenty-three per cent.'
'What's top priority?' asked Gwen.
'Ianto,' boomed Jack. 'Unless you're wearing nylon.'
'OK,' said Gwen. 'How did he. . .she. . .? I mean. . .'
Ianto shrugged. 'I just woke up like this. No memory, slightly hangover, pair of breasts. Honestly.'
Gwen nodded. 'Right. Nothing unusual then?'
'Well, not apart from the surprising lack of cock.'
'A situation we can all sympathise with,' sighed Jack. 'Ianto Jones is brilliant, you know. He wakes up. Different fingerprints, voice, DNA, so how am I going to recognise him? He kisses me. And I know at once! Isn't that the most romantic think you've ever heard?' He grinned dopily.
'Aliens ate my homework?' Gwen laughed.
Jack laughed. 'What a brave new world. Now go and find some eyewitnesses to talk to.'
'What about Iantoya?' asked Gwen. 'Sure we don't need him?'
'Oh, he's best of at the Hub. Until he feels. . .you know. . . Himself.'
'Jack Harkness, you are terrible. The poor lamb's got nothing to look forward to apart from filing, making the coffee and sexual harassment.'
'I know,' said Jack. 'I just want to surround him with familiar things.'
Gwen gently stirred her coffee and idly wondered how often the two of them actually had sex. She suspected that most of time they just stood in a room naked, hands on hips, pouting at each other.
'My husband's too pretty!' she'd yelled. 'You've got to do something, Jack!' She caught the look in his eye. 'Don't you go sassing me, Harkness. I am deadly serious.'
'Sass?' tutted jack in mock affront. 'I don't do sass, do I? I prefer to think of it as kittenish charm. What do you think, Ianto?'
'Definitely kittenish,' said Ianto.
'Sod the kittens.'
'Are you lactating?' Jack wore an expression of dangerous interest.
'I assure you, you would be the last person to know if I was.' Ianto moved into a corner.
'Is that what's been different about the coffee?' Jack laughed.
Ianto snapped the elastic band off the new batch of leaflets about an organic jam activity centre. He pinged the band expertly at Jack's ear. The Captain clapped his hands over the ear and gave Ianto a pout.
'God, you're moody these days - you're not. . . At that time of month, are you?'
Ianto stared at him, horrified. 'oh. I hope not. Am I? How can I tell?'
'Wikipedia,' Jack tutted. 'Wikipedia.'
(((For what Wiki says, is fact)))
(((this is a flashback to pre-Fem!Ianto))
Debbie tilts her head on one side. 'yeah,' she says. 'Help us carry over these drinks and join in the party. With that suit they'll think you're a stripper.'
'Why thank you,' says Ianto.
(((back with Fem!Ianto)))
Gwen slid the window up, and the two of them slipped into a dark, quiet corridor.
'It's bloody great to be out of that rain,' shivered Ianto. 'I really miss jeans.'
'Well,' hissed Gwen, 'why don't you wear some?'
'Oh, it's just hasn't felt right, really,' said Ianto. 'you know, I just don't think I've got the figure for them. I worry they'll make my bum look fat and squidgy.'
'Oh, bollocks,' hissed Gwen. 'You've got a lovely pair of child-bearing hips on you.'
'Have I?' Ianto looked genuinely pleased. 'Oh, that's nice.'
'Now, shut up, princess, and let's got on with it.'
Until Next Time
Monday, January 12, 2009
"I Know Everything! And it Says So on the Bottom of the Screen."
Alright. Finished the second Torchwood book.
It's good too. In it I found out that the 'CC' of 'CCTV' is 'Closed Circut'. I hadn't know that and now I do and it makes me happy.
I was actually so happy to hear this that I called Julie and told her.
And I love Julie's new outgoing message to her voicemail.
"Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutely everything: no phones, phones all broken. [holds up hand in imitation of telephone] Hello? Anyone there? No! Cause the phones aren't working!"
Here are my favorite parts from it.
Some decently big spoilers for the Torchwood book Pack Animals below.
(((Let me start by saying that in most of these exerts, Ianto is invisible)))
'I'm so hungry,' Ianto's voice shivered. 'But maybe I'll freeze to death first.'
'Oh yeah. Tosh wants to analyse your invisible clothes,' agreed Owen. He indicated the empty slab to Jack. 'He had to take them off anyway, 'cause they were covered in tiger shit.'
'Wait a minute. . .' Jack cocked a saucy eyebrow. 'Am I hearing this correctly? Ianto is sitting there. . .naked?'
'Like, but unlike, one of my recurring nightmares,' said Ianto's voice in a plaintive tone.
Jack stared at the ceiling and laughed aloud. 'Oh, that is such an unfair advantage in naked hide-and-seek. . .' He trailed off as he realized Owen and Toshiko were both looking at him. 'What?'
Owen shook his head sorrowfully. 'So don't want to know,' he told Jack.
'It's a bit. . . Creepy having you walk around the place like that,' Toshiko said.
'I kinda like it,' said Jack.
'He's naked.'
'You say that like it's a bad thing.'
'Here's and idea,' suggested Owen. 'I could bandage your head. Like the invisible man. I'm good with bandages. Medical doctor, trained and everything.'
'I thought that nails and hair grew after death?'
Owen stroked his own clean-shaven chin. 'Take it from an expert, that's a myth. Best you can hope for is that your new cells renew visibly as they replaced. We'll only know that by waiting.' He was fighting not to smile again. 'You should keep a record of what you notice. Maybe some regular entries in your diary, Ianto.' The smile couldn't be suppressed any long. 'You could writ it in invisible ink.'
'We're out of invisible ink,' said Toshiko immediately.
'How can you tell?' Owen responded.
'Get yer kit off, Ianto,' crowed Owen delightedly. 'You're going in! Tosh as programmed you into their access system under a false identity. We chose it from our porn names.'
'Now I'm intrigued,' said Jack.
'Name of your first pet plus the name of the street you grew up in,' Owen continued. 'I had a dog called bobby and grew up in Warren Drive, so I'm Bobby Warren. Gwen is Tiggi Locke. And Ianto,' he concluded with a node of incredulity, 'is Trevor Swanson.'
Jack roared with laughter.
'Who the hell calls their pet dog Trevor?' spluttered Gwen.
Toshiko took a dainty bite from a tuna sandwich in a futile effort to hide her amusement.
'Come on, Trevor,' said Jack. 'Time you were going.'
The suit of clothes started to remove it's jacket and tie at the desk. Ianto's sullen reaction was evident thought his body language alone.
Jack smiled. 'Ianto snooping while naked. That's arousing, right there.'
Until Next Time
It's good too. In it I found out that the 'CC' of 'CCTV' is 'Closed Circut'. I hadn't know that and now I do and it makes me happy.
I was actually so happy to hear this that I called Julie and told her.
And I love Julie's new outgoing message to her voicemail.
"Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutely everything: no phones, phones all broken. [holds up hand in imitation of telephone] Hello? Anyone there? No! Cause the phones aren't working!"
Here are my favorite parts from it.
Some decently big spoilers for the Torchwood book Pack Animals below.
(((Let me start by saying that in most of these exerts, Ianto is invisible)))
'I'm so hungry,' Ianto's voice shivered. 'But maybe I'll freeze to death first.'
'Oh yeah. Tosh wants to analyse your invisible clothes,' agreed Owen. He indicated the empty slab to Jack. 'He had to take them off anyway, 'cause they were covered in tiger shit.'
'Wait a minute. . .' Jack cocked a saucy eyebrow. 'Am I hearing this correctly? Ianto is sitting there. . .naked?'
'Like, but unlike, one of my recurring nightmares,' said Ianto's voice in a plaintive tone.
Jack stared at the ceiling and laughed aloud. 'Oh, that is such an unfair advantage in naked hide-and-seek. . .' He trailed off as he realized Owen and Toshiko were both looking at him. 'What?'
Owen shook his head sorrowfully. 'So don't want to know,' he told Jack.
'It's a bit. . . Creepy having you walk around the place like that,' Toshiko said.
'I kinda like it,' said Jack.
'He's naked.'
'You say that like it's a bad thing.'
'Here's and idea,' suggested Owen. 'I could bandage your head. Like the invisible man. I'm good with bandages. Medical doctor, trained and everything.'
'I thought that nails and hair grew after death?'
Owen stroked his own clean-shaven chin. 'Take it from an expert, that's a myth. Best you can hope for is that your new cells renew visibly as they replaced. We'll only know that by waiting.' He was fighting not to smile again. 'You should keep a record of what you notice. Maybe some regular entries in your diary, Ianto.' The smile couldn't be suppressed any long. 'You could writ it in invisible ink.'
'We're out of invisible ink,' said Toshiko immediately.
'How can you tell?' Owen responded.
'Get yer kit off, Ianto,' crowed Owen delightedly. 'You're going in! Tosh as programmed you into their access system under a false identity. We chose it from our porn names.'
'Now I'm intrigued,' said Jack.
'Name of your first pet plus the name of the street you grew up in,' Owen continued. 'I had a dog called bobby and grew up in Warren Drive, so I'm Bobby Warren. Gwen is Tiggi Locke. And Ianto,' he concluded with a node of incredulity, 'is Trevor Swanson.'
Jack roared with laughter.
'Who the hell calls their pet dog Trevor?' spluttered Gwen.
Toshiko took a dainty bite from a tuna sandwich in a futile effort to hide her amusement.
'Come on, Trevor,' said Jack. 'Time you were going.'
The suit of clothes started to remove it's jacket and tie at the desk. Ianto's sullen reaction was evident thought his body language alone.
Jack smiled. 'Ianto snooping while naked. That's arousing, right there.'
Until Next Time
A Made-Up Friend To An Imaginary Character, Named Fred
So, in the recent past Ashley was outside Julie's place and saw a possible murder weponweapon. It clearly has finger prints on it. So she picked up with her coat and took it inside where it is now in a plastic baggy labled possible murder weapon hanging on Julie's wall. It rocks.
Also, that night we saw a possible bank robbery.
Went to a Candle Light Party yesterday. It got a votive holder thingy. It's pretty.
I feel slightly weird.
Let me explain.
Usually at least once a week (usually on Sundays) me, Julie, and Ashely go eat at a Chinese Buffet. Yesterday was Sunday. We didn't eat there. Instead we ate Fancy Macoroni n' Cheese on Julie's Fancy plates. And prevously we had ate Julie's Fancy food on her Fancy plates and in the future I think I'll be making Fancy French Toast and we'll eat them on her Fancy Plates.
Coz we're Fancy.
Torchwood Icons!
On another note, I got three Torchwood Novels today.
The Twilight Streets, Pack Animals and Almost Perfect.
I've had them for a few hours now and as I've read all of The Twilights Streets (yes, it was good) I shall share my favorite parts of it. (When I get of the computer, I am starting Pack Animals and then you guessed it, I'll start Almost Perfect).
Jack waved him to a seat. ‘Now then, I have to go away for a few days. And yes,' he looked at Gwen, anticipating her next question, ‘I will have my mobile on me at all times. And no, I’m not disappearing to the far ends of the Earth. I just need. . .some leave.’
Owen shrugged. ‘Cool. Take Ianto with you.’
‘Why?’
‘I want to take the SUV out for a spin, off-road, really ramp up the gears and speed and get it caked in mud.’
‘Why,’ Ianto repeated, ‘would you want to do that?’
‘Because,’ Owen leaned in conspiratorially, ‘it’d piss you off and I couldn’t bear to do that if you were around. Even I’m not that cruel.’
‘OK guys,’ Jack said quickly. ‘Overlooking Owen’s testosterone-inspired madness - remember what happened last time, Owen?’
Ianto looked straight at Jack. Then Owen. ‘Last time? There’s been a “last time”?’
‘Couple of last times,’ Owen replied.
‘I was glad you weren’t around,’ Toshiko added. ‘It was very. . .muddy.’
‘Muddy?’
Gwen touched Ianto’s arm gently. ‘I think they told you it was alien slime from a meteor crash. But it wasn’t.’
‘No,’ Ianto said darkly. ‘It was just mud.’
‘And you scraped it off beautifully, and gave it to me to test,’ Toshiko added.
‘And she did all those tests, trying to find Cortellian nucleotides.’ Owen grabbed Ianto’s unmoving arm. ‘Sorry mate, but it was dead funny at the time.’
Toshiko fiddled with her glasses, so as not to catch Ianto’s eye. ‘Sorry Ianto. We didn’t know when to stop. But was very. . .well, yes, funny.;
Ianto nodded, staring at his team. His friends. And smiled - inwardly.
Revenge would be so sweet. . .
(((then later)))
Ianto looked at the other two, ‘So. The SUV. Mud. Not Cortellian biomass?’
Toshiko pointed at Owen. ‘it was his idea. All of it. His. Not mine.’
Owen gazed back at Ianto. ‘Me? Come on mate, what do I know about alien DNA. . .I mean, I. . .Nah, that’s never going to work is it?’
Ianto shook his head slowly. And then grinned. ‘Never mind. Good joke.’ And he got up, straightened his perfectly straight tie again and wandered out othe room, hovering outside the door just long enough to hear Toshiko ask Owen:
‘What did he mean? “Never mind”? Owen?’
‘Dunno, Tosh,’ said Owen quietly, ‘but I’d watch the coffee for a bit.’
Ianto grinned as he walked away. Coffee? Oh he had a better imagination than that. . . And they knew it. And would be thinking about it all the time. Everything they ate or drank. Every bit of equipment he got for them. Everything. Oh the next few days were going to be fun.
Even without Jack.
Jack snorted. ‘Ever tried emailing an image to Archie? Either it bounces back, or he pressed the wrong button and it ends up on the front page of Glasgow Herald.’
‘Oh, that’s where that Loch Ness Monster story came from. I thought they were a bit close to the truth,’ Ianto said.
‘Loch Ness Monster? Do I want to know?’ Gwen asked.
‘Some kind of dinosaur, apparently,’ said Owen, walking towards them with a PDA. ‘Never believed that myself. Dinosaurs, God, whatever next?’
‘We have a pterodactyl!’ Gwen said, pointing upwards.
‘Pteranodon, actually,’ corrected Ianto. ‘But Pterodactyl does sound sexier.’
. . .although she was gratified to learn when they were at uni that he wasn‘t a great fan of Abba, since men at uni who were Abba fans tended not to be interested in Gwen. Or women generally. ‘Do you like Abba?’ She found herself asking Ianto. As non sequiturs went, it was a good one.
He looked at her. ‘Is this going to lead to a “Jack” conversation?’
‘No.’
‘Fine. Then I admire the Andersson/Ulvaeus writing partnership as craftsmen and songsmiths. I believe “One of Us” may be the best song written about relationship break-ups ever, and I have a soft spot for the fusion of witty lyrical content and poptastic dance ability of “Voulez-Vous”, but let me make this absolutely clear: I bloody loathe “Dancing Queen”. All right?’
Gwen stopped walking and just looked at him.
‘What?’ he asked.
‘You’ve had this conversation before, haven’t you?’
‘Might have.’
‘Jack?’
‘You honestly think Jack knows anything about music after 1948?’
‘Who then?’
‘Doesn’t’ matter.’
‘Who?’ She started walking again. ‘Come on. I might die tonight, never knowing.’
‘Me mam.’
‘Aww. When she found out about Jack?’
‘When I was fourteen.’
Gwen stopped again. ‘I dunno which scares me more - that your mam worked you out ten years before you did, or that the fourteen-year-old Ianto Jones used the phrase “poptastic dance ability” without getting beaten up.’
Ianto stopped Suddenly. ‘She didn’t work me out, Gwen. No one has. And if I ever do, I’ll let you know.’
Gwen smiled, nudged his arm. “Oh come on, smile. Lisa, Jack. . .being bisexual is hardly a crime. Best of both worlds, isn’t it?’
And Ianto pushed her away. ‘No, Gwen. No, really it’s bloody not. It’s the worst of any world because you don’t really belong anywhere, because you are never sure of yourself or those around you. You can’t trust in anyone, their motives or their intentions. And because of that, you have, in a world that likes it’s nice and shiny labels, no true identity. For Torchwood’s “Little Miss Sensitive”, you don’t half talk crap sometimes. So do me a favour and shut up about it, alright?’
He tapped his ear, activating the almost invisible communications device everyone in Torchwood wore. ‘Owen?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Whatcha doing?’
‘Testing your blood for those chronon particles you asked about. Whatever they are. I mean, I know what they are, theoretically, but forgive me for being a doctor - and a bloody good one at that - but I like to work with realities rather than fantasy.’
‘You wound me, Owen,’ laughed Jack. ‘What am I if not your fantasy?’
‘A right pain in the arse, Jack, that’s what you are. And I don’t mean that in a way you’d find charming, before you ask.’
‘How bloody primitive is this,’ Jack muttered. ‘A hundred years of alien tech, and looks like Ianto jump-starting the SUV.’
‘Oi, the SUB never needs jump-starting,’ Ianto retorted.
Jack grinned. ‘I just have an imagine in my head of you with jump leads and pole. I was saying the SUV to save Gwen’s blushes.’
‘I really, really hate heights, me,’ Gwen said.
‘You should go on a date with him,’ Ianto said, jerking a thumb in Jack’s direction. ‘To him, up on a place like this, that’s a great night out. But when I suggested a roller-coaster once, oh no, that was a death-trap apparently.’
He sighed. ‘Let’s get back home. We’ve a box to bury in concrete.’
‘You mean, I have a box to bury in concrete,’ Ianto moaned.
‘Well, I’m sure we’ll help you bury it,’ said Gwen.
‘But mixing concrete?’ asked Jack. ‘Not these hands.’
‘Nor mine,’ added Gwen, linking her arm through both Jack and Ianto’s as they began to walk towards Grangetown and then onto Cardiff Bay. ‘And I’m sure Owen and Tosh will find better things to do. . .’
Until Next Time
Also, that night we saw a possible bank robbery.
Went to a Candle Light Party yesterday. It got a votive holder thingy. It's pretty.
I feel slightly weird.
Let me explain.
Usually at least once a week (usually on Sundays) me, Julie, and Ashely go eat at a Chinese Buffet. Yesterday was Sunday. We didn't eat there. Instead we ate Fancy Macoroni n' Cheese on Julie's Fancy plates. And prevously we had ate Julie's Fancy food on her Fancy plates and in the future I think I'll be making Fancy French Toast and we'll eat them on her Fancy Plates.
Coz we're Fancy.
Torchwood Icons!
On another note, I got three Torchwood Novels today.
The Twilight Streets, Pack Animals and Almost Perfect.
I've had them for a few hours now and as I've read all of The Twilights Streets (yes, it was good) I shall share my favorite parts of it. (When I get of the computer, I am starting Pack Animals and then you guessed it, I'll start Almost Perfect).
Jack waved him to a seat. ‘Now then, I have to go away for a few days. And yes,' he looked at Gwen, anticipating her next question, ‘I will have my mobile on me at all times. And no, I’m not disappearing to the far ends of the Earth. I just need. . .some leave.’
Owen shrugged. ‘Cool. Take Ianto with you.’
‘Why?’
‘I want to take the SUV out for a spin, off-road, really ramp up the gears and speed and get it caked in mud.’
‘Why,’ Ianto repeated, ‘would you want to do that?’
‘Because,’ Owen leaned in conspiratorially, ‘it’d piss you off and I couldn’t bear to do that if you were around. Even I’m not that cruel.’
‘OK guys,’ Jack said quickly. ‘Overlooking Owen’s testosterone-inspired madness - remember what happened last time, Owen?’
Ianto looked straight at Jack. Then Owen. ‘Last time? There’s been a “last time”?’
‘Couple of last times,’ Owen replied.
‘I was glad you weren’t around,’ Toshiko added. ‘It was very. . .muddy.’
‘Muddy?’
Gwen touched Ianto’s arm gently. ‘I think they told you it was alien slime from a meteor crash. But it wasn’t.’
‘No,’ Ianto said darkly. ‘It was just mud.’
‘And you scraped it off beautifully, and gave it to me to test,’ Toshiko added.
‘And she did all those tests, trying to find Cortellian nucleotides.’ Owen grabbed Ianto’s unmoving arm. ‘Sorry mate, but it was dead funny at the time.’
Toshiko fiddled with her glasses, so as not to catch Ianto’s eye. ‘Sorry Ianto. We didn’t know when to stop. But was very. . .well, yes, funny.;
Ianto nodded, staring at his team. His friends. And smiled - inwardly.
Revenge would be so sweet. . .
(((then later)))
Ianto looked at the other two, ‘So. The SUV. Mud. Not Cortellian biomass?’
Toshiko pointed at Owen. ‘it was his idea. All of it. His. Not mine.’
Owen gazed back at Ianto. ‘Me? Come on mate, what do I know about alien DNA. . .I mean, I. . .Nah, that’s never going to work is it?’
Ianto shook his head slowly. And then grinned. ‘Never mind. Good joke.’ And he got up, straightened his perfectly straight tie again and wandered out othe room, hovering outside the door just long enough to hear Toshiko ask Owen:
‘What did he mean? “Never mind”? Owen?’
‘Dunno, Tosh,’ said Owen quietly, ‘but I’d watch the coffee for a bit.’
Ianto grinned as he walked away. Coffee? Oh he had a better imagination than that. . . And they knew it. And would be thinking about it all the time. Everything they ate or drank. Every bit of equipment he got for them. Everything. Oh the next few days were going to be fun.
Even without Jack.
Jack snorted. ‘Ever tried emailing an image to Archie? Either it bounces back, or he pressed the wrong button and it ends up on the front page of Glasgow Herald.’
‘Oh, that’s where that Loch Ness Monster story came from. I thought they were a bit close to the truth,’ Ianto said.
‘Loch Ness Monster? Do I want to know?’ Gwen asked.
‘Some kind of dinosaur, apparently,’ said Owen, walking towards them with a PDA. ‘Never believed that myself. Dinosaurs, God, whatever next?’
‘We have a pterodactyl!’ Gwen said, pointing upwards.
‘Pteranodon, actually,’ corrected Ianto. ‘But Pterodactyl does sound sexier.’
. . .although she was gratified to learn when they were at uni that he wasn‘t a great fan of Abba, since men at uni who were Abba fans tended not to be interested in Gwen. Or women generally. ‘Do you like Abba?’ She found herself asking Ianto. As non sequiturs went, it was a good one.
He looked at her. ‘Is this going to lead to a “Jack” conversation?’
‘No.’
‘Fine. Then I admire the Andersson/Ulvaeus writing partnership as craftsmen and songsmiths. I believe “One of Us” may be the best song written about relationship break-ups ever, and I have a soft spot for the fusion of witty lyrical content and poptastic dance ability of “Voulez-Vous”, but let me make this absolutely clear: I bloody loathe “Dancing Queen”. All right?’
Gwen stopped walking and just looked at him.
‘What?’ he asked.
‘You’ve had this conversation before, haven’t you?’
‘Might have.’
‘Jack?’
‘You honestly think Jack knows anything about music after 1948?’
‘Who then?’
‘Doesn’t’ matter.’
‘Who?’ She started walking again. ‘Come on. I might die tonight, never knowing.’
‘Me mam.’
‘Aww. When she found out about Jack?’
‘When I was fourteen.’
Gwen stopped again. ‘I dunno which scares me more - that your mam worked you out ten years before you did, or that the fourteen-year-old Ianto Jones used the phrase “poptastic dance ability” without getting beaten up.’
Ianto stopped Suddenly. ‘She didn’t work me out, Gwen. No one has. And if I ever do, I’ll let you know.’
Gwen smiled, nudged his arm. “Oh come on, smile. Lisa, Jack. . .being bisexual is hardly a crime. Best of both worlds, isn’t it?’
And Ianto pushed her away. ‘No, Gwen. No, really it’s bloody not. It’s the worst of any world because you don’t really belong anywhere, because you are never sure of yourself or those around you. You can’t trust in anyone, their motives or their intentions. And because of that, you have, in a world that likes it’s nice and shiny labels, no true identity. For Torchwood’s “Little Miss Sensitive”, you don’t half talk crap sometimes. So do me a favour and shut up about it, alright?’
He tapped his ear, activating the almost invisible communications device everyone in Torchwood wore. ‘Owen?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Whatcha doing?’
‘Testing your blood for those chronon particles you asked about. Whatever they are. I mean, I know what they are, theoretically, but forgive me for being a doctor - and a bloody good one at that - but I like to work with realities rather than fantasy.’
‘You wound me, Owen,’ laughed Jack. ‘What am I if not your fantasy?’
‘A right pain in the arse, Jack, that’s what you are. And I don’t mean that in a way you’d find charming, before you ask.’
‘How bloody primitive is this,’ Jack muttered. ‘A hundred years of alien tech, and looks like Ianto jump-starting the SUV.’
‘Oi, the SUB never needs jump-starting,’ Ianto retorted.
Jack grinned. ‘I just have an imagine in my head of you with jump leads and pole. I was saying the SUV to save Gwen’s blushes.’
‘I really, really hate heights, me,’ Gwen said.
‘You should go on a date with him,’ Ianto said, jerking a thumb in Jack’s direction. ‘To him, up on a place like this, that’s a great night out. But when I suggested a roller-coaster once, oh no, that was a death-trap apparently.’
He sighed. ‘Let’s get back home. We’ve a box to bury in concrete.’
‘You mean, I have a box to bury in concrete,’ Ianto moaned.
‘Well, I’m sure we’ll help you bury it,’ said Gwen.
‘But mixing concrete?’ asked Jack. ‘Not these hands.’
‘Nor mine,’ added Gwen, linking her arm through both Jack and Ianto’s as they began to walk towards Grangetown and then onto Cardiff Bay. ‘And I’m sure Owen and Tosh will find better things to do. . .’
Until Next Time
Friday, January 2, 2009
Mary Had a Little Lamb, She Kept Him in a Heater
So, two things about Torchwood. Mainly Jack.
*possible spoiliers below*
Right. So, how the hell does Jack become a giant fuckoff head? Not only a head, but a head in a jar who is telepathic and all tentically hairlike? We've a few theories.
1) In the one episode with Martha and Doctor Who, when they went to New New York and they were in the motorway? And the one catman tells the Doctor he was crazy for standing out in the exhast because they've heard that one person standing out there, their head grew 50 times in size. Well, there ya go. Jack's head somehow stood out there for a bit and grew.
2) He was beheaded and being as he can't die... and they were separated (head and body) and then he had to carry around his head. And like any good person who lost part of his body, it got stuck in a jar (see Doctor's hand).
3) He met himself and they didn't explode (see later on in this post) but they two morphed together into one giant fuckoff head.
Now, something else.
Right. So, Do you remember the episdoe where Jack and Tosh go back to 1941 for about a day? Check out how many Jack's there were at that time in 1941.
1) Jack from present time and went back with Tosh. We call him "Flashback Jack".
2) Jack before he met the Doctor. He was busy trying to sell and a fake war ship. We call him "Time Agent Jack" even though at the time he wasn't with the Time Agency. Though being as he was a conman, he could call him "Conman Jack" but I like the ring of "Time Agent Jack" better.
3) Jack working with Torchwood and waiting for the Doctor to come. WE call him "Waiting for the Doctor to Come Jack".
4) Remember when his brother Gray burried him? And then he was frozen? Yep, there's that Jack too. We call him, "Buried/Frozen Jack".
5) Not sure if you want to count this. But the Real Captain Jack Harkness was there too. Jack (Flashback Jack) and Jack (Real one) did meet in the episode.
Right. Also, Time Agent Jack could be there more than once actually. After all, he is a Time Agent... Yeah?
So, first off. That is an ass amount of Jacks. Yes?
Second off. What would happen if they meet eachother? At first we thought he would explode. Or create a paradox. Then we came up with the "This is how he becomes a huge fuckoff head!" theory.
So, what all do you have to say about that?
Now, for something not about Jack. Or Torchwood for that matter.
The town I live in is split down the middle. Half of the town has a Donnellson Address (this would be me) and half has a West Point Address (not me). So, we've decided (oh, I bet you're wondering who 'we' are in this whole post yeah? Me, Julie and Ashely) that we need to start Franklin (the town I live in) in on a Civil War! And Donnellson will win and expand it's empire! First Franklin! Then West Point! Soon all of Lee County! And we will befriend the forest (Shemick Forest if you're interested in which one) to swallow our enimies! Then befriend the rivers so that we can easily take over Fort Maddison and Keokuk! And then our empire shall rule for many many years and then collapse like a flan in the cubbart.
Until Next Time
*possible spoiliers below*
Right. So, how the hell does Jack become a giant fuckoff head? Not only a head, but a head in a jar who is telepathic and all tentically hairlike? We've a few theories.
1) In the one episode with Martha and Doctor Who, when they went to New New York and they were in the motorway? And the one catman tells the Doctor he was crazy for standing out in the exhast because they've heard that one person standing out there, their head grew 50 times in size. Well, there ya go. Jack's head somehow stood out there for a bit and grew.
2) He was beheaded and being as he can't die... and they were separated (head and body) and then he had to carry around his head. And like any good person who lost part of his body, it got stuck in a jar (see Doctor's hand).
3) He met himself and they didn't explode (see later on in this post) but they two morphed together into one giant fuckoff head.
Now, something else.
Right. So, Do you remember the episdoe where Jack and Tosh go back to 1941 for about a day? Check out how many Jack's there were at that time in 1941.
1) Jack from present time and went back with Tosh. We call him "Flashback Jack".
2) Jack before he met the Doctor. He was busy trying to sell and a fake war ship. We call him "Time Agent Jack" even though at the time he wasn't with the Time Agency. Though being as he was a conman, he could call him "Conman Jack" but I like the ring of "Time Agent Jack" better.
3) Jack working with Torchwood and waiting for the Doctor to come. WE call him "Waiting for the Doctor to Come Jack".
4) Remember when his brother Gray burried him? And then he was frozen? Yep, there's that Jack too. We call him, "Buried/Frozen Jack".
5) Not sure if you want to count this. But the Real Captain Jack Harkness was there too. Jack (Flashback Jack) and Jack (Real one) did meet in the episode.
Right. Also, Time Agent Jack could be there more than once actually. After all, he is a Time Agent... Yeah?
So, first off. That is an ass amount of Jacks. Yes?
Second off. What would happen if they meet eachother? At first we thought he would explode. Or create a paradox. Then we came up with the "This is how he becomes a huge fuckoff head!" theory.
So, what all do you have to say about that?
Now, for something not about Jack. Or Torchwood for that matter.
The town I live in is split down the middle. Half of the town has a Donnellson Address (this would be me) and half has a West Point Address (not me). So, we've decided (oh, I bet you're wondering who 'we' are in this whole post yeah? Me, Julie and Ashely) that we need to start Franklin (the town I live in) in on a Civil War! And Donnellson will win and expand it's empire! First Franklin! Then West Point! Soon all of Lee County! And we will befriend the forest (Shemick Forest if you're interested in which one) to swallow our enimies! Then befriend the rivers so that we can easily take over Fort Maddison and Keokuk! And then our empire shall rule for many many years and then collapse like a flan in the cubbart.
Until Next Time
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