Lession: Winters in South Dakota? Yeah, They're Cold.

:::Warning:::
Crack!Story! For SPN of course
And I mean CRACK!
:::Warning:::

As all people should know, winter in South Dakota is well, fucking freezing. So, as the Winchester boys left Bobby's house, they had coats and scarves on (which Dean constantly complained about and Sam was thankful that the scarf muffled his voice). Y'see, there was this certain haunted house that Bobby heard 'bout. Now, I know what yer askin'. Why didn't Bobby take care of it (man, you're nosy for wantin' to know that)? Y'see, Bobby was sick. Pnemonia. Not something you want to have when you go outside to fight off some house that often killed people (er, spirit, not house) and those who did come out told stories that made it seem like they had been on crack. So, he didn't go. He called the Winchester boys.

So, the boys showed up in front of the house and grabbed their guns ("Dude, I'm not wearing mittens. Can't shoot if I'm wearing mittens." "But Dean! You need your hands warm and we don't have any gloves!") then headed inside the house. The house in question was well, old lookin'. Needed a new paint job, probably thousands of leaks in the roof as well. Windows broken in and everything. Not a pretty picture. But then, most of the places the boys go too aren’t that pretty.

But once the boys enter the house, they glance at each other in confusion.

"What the hell?"

"I have no idea."

"Seriously, dude. What the hell?!"

"Is it like a door way? That takes you across the US?"

"I've no idea. I do know that I’m way over dressed for the desert!" Dean through the scarf off with glee. He then surveyed their surroundings. Apparently there were now in the middle of a fuck off desert. No trees in sight, only cactus. For which Dean was grateful. Why? Because Dean hates trees.

So, the two wandered around the desert for a bit, stripping off clothes coz they were so hot. Before long they were just in shoes, socks, underpants, and regular pants (er, jeans). Though Dean was carrying his leather jacket (what? He wasn't gonna leave that in the middle of the desert).

"Damn, it's hot." Dean muttered, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Well, if we're still here tonight, it's gonna get cold." Sam said, "Maybe we should have carried our clothes and not left them to get covered by sand." He shrugged.

Meanwhile, Bobby was getting worried. I mean, come on, they've been gone for hours. And no call. So, they must both be hurt. Grunting, Bobby got up and grabbed his scarf - coz it's freezing outside and made his way to the house.

But before long the boys saw an oasis. Grinning at each other they ran to it (even though there were trees there) coz they were thristy. You can't walk through the desert for hours and not get thirsty. But they stopped short when the saw that the oasis didn't have water. But butter.

"What the hell?"

"I have no idea."

"Seriously, dude. What the hell?!"

"I guess - well - I. Huh." As Sam had no idea why there was a pool of butter in the middle of desert.

"Screw it. I'm going swimming." Dean took off his pants (er, jeans) and jumped in the pool of butter. "Come on in, Sammy. It's actually cool."

Shrugging, Sam stripped off his jeans and joined his brother. So, the two were bathing in butter. "This has to be a mirage."

"But, dude. We both see it. Can't be a mirage if two people see the pool of butter."

"You have a point."

Before long though, they got out and looked around. The sun was lower in the sky and wait. What the hell? Dean pointed in some random direction, "Am I hallucinating, or is that a mound of waffles?"

Sam's brow furrowed as he looked, "It's a mound of waffles."

"Awesome!" A childlike grin spread over Dean's face, "I'm hungry!" He ran up and started eating them.

Sam walked up and stared at the waffles, feeling sticky with sweat and butter, "Dean, I wouldn't eat those."

"Screw you. I'm hungry." Dean seemed to be swallowing them whole. Only to look up, "Dude! What the hell?!" Which he seemed to say a lot in this crack!fic. Coming towards them was a large Garden Gnome. "Gnome is after my waffles!" Dean yelled, angry, "My waffles!" He stood protectively in front of them. Then he got an idea and took a bite out of each side, making a waffle look kinda like a ninja throwing star, then he through it at the large Garden Gnome. "My waffles, Bitch!"

Sam just stood there, "Dean, who says that the Gnome is after your waffles? Maybe he's like a boss in a video game and if we beat him we're back in South Dakota."

"You have a point." Dean agreed as the Gnome came right up on them, then reached out for Dean only to have Dean punch back, "Get the hell away from me you Freak of Nature!"

The two fought for a bit, only to have the Gnome stand back and glare at him. Dean heard some sort of buzzing in his head, since the Gnome showed up. He had been ignoring it. Though, Sam was confused about the buzzing. "Dude, y'think the Gnome brought a bee?" The Gnome then reached out for Sam and Sam too, put up a fight.

In actuality, Bobby had shown up at the house and cursed when he saw clothes scattered right inside the doorway. Seemed the house could create a horribly large hallucination. But only one at a time. He saw the Winchester boys in just their boxers. Skin pale and lips blue - though they were obvious to the fact that they were still in South Dakota. The house was going to give them hypothermia and kill them. Damn it. He tried talking to them, but apparently they couldn't hear him. Cursing silently, he reached out to Dean, only to have Dean hit back. Grunting Bobby decided that they must see him as some sort of monster. Then he got an idea, he went after Sam, which once again, got into a fight. But Bobby had a plan. He hit Sam in the head, knocking the boy out. Picking him up, Bobby knew that Dean would follow in order to protect his brother.

Dean growled when the Gnome picked up his lifeless brother and started walking away. He followed quickly. But the Gnome stayed ahead of him. He'd catch up. He would. You just wait and see. Only one second he was following a large Gnome carrying his brother in a desert and the next he was following Bobby carrying his brother just outside the house. And damn, was he cold. He fell to the ground, which only proved to be colder yet.

Bobby put Sam in the Impala, then went to get Dean, "Come on, you idjet." He lifted a shaking Dean up and put in him the Impala as well. Getting in, Bobby set the heater on full blast and drove back to his place.

"What the hell?!"

"The house put you two into an illusion. Hallucination thing. What did you see?"

"Desert. Butter oasis. Waffles, and I guess you were the large Garden Gnome?"

Bobby glanced at Dean, "I was a large Garden Gnome?"

Sam chose this moment to wake up, "What? How'd we get back in the Impala?"

Bobby told the boys what he thought happened. About the house confusing the hell out of the two of them. And how he came and saved them from certain death. ("So it was all in our heads?" "Guess so." "What the hell did we swim in?" "Got a better question for ya, Dean. What did you eat? Coz it wasn't waffles.") The next day, they went back to the house (wearing scarves and mittens) to pick up Bobby's vehicle and to burn down the house. So that it wouldn't kill anyone again.

They then went back to Bobby's coz let's face it: Bobby was still ill, and after wearing just boxers for hours in the middle of winter in South Dakota? Yeah, the Winchester boys were sick too.

Told you it was crack.

Until Next Time